I'm Not Bi, I'm Brazilian

by Diego

One would think that staying out of the gay world one would be immune to "identity theater". You know, pretending you are one thing when you really another. Say, writing on your Manhunt profile you are a "Top/Vers", when in reality the first thing you do is spread your legs wide open the minute somebody touches you. Or saying you are "str8-acting" when the only straight thing about you is the fact that you are not wearing a skirt. Or saying you are "safe only", unless people say they're neg!

Anyway, I was being a tranny for Craigslist tricks this week (surprise!), and this Hispanic guy came to my place from Sheepshead Bay or somewhere ridiculous like that. His name was Jose and he was a construction worker, so I assumed he was a total top. He said my ass was so hot "it's hot enough to eat, mami". I'm sorry, if you use the word "mami" and you aren't a total top, you should be sued for false advertisement.

Jose had a thick Brooklyn accent, one of those organically muscular bodies and a 9.5'' Puerto Rican dick. And if you are familiar with Puerto Rican dick I don't need to tell you that those things are massive. These bulky pieces of meat that seem to not even waste their time having a head. It's just this thick brick of a cock, born to do a faggot a lot damage.

With all those attributes, how could I suspect this man was not an uber-straight-guy? Those thuggish guys who are so straight, so ghetto, so hot, that they can't help but bone faggots. Not out of faggotry, just out of an overflowing sexuality. Out of their own Latin-ness. It's like one of my last week's trick said: "I'm not bi, I'm Brazilian".

Anyway, Jose fucked my mouth good, but by the time his Puerto Rican dick got limp (a sign that I was probably the 4th tranny he banged that night), he had already confessed that he a) used to escort, b) sometimes dressed like a girl himself (WTF?) and c) Only ate out shaved ass.

I'm sorry, buddy, but I'm not nicking myself in the butt just so I can have some of your STD-ridden Puerto Rican tongue. And you should have disclosed your secret cross-dressing desires way before you crossed the Brooklyn bridge, fool. What makes these guys think that we are compatible? It's not like my ads don't say "101% Bottom Slut CD Whore". What part of that sentence says "into crossdressing males as well"?

In the end -- his dick limp, my hopes for a New Jersey civil union broken -- I still had to ask: "You prefer to top or to bottom?". I was totally fishing for "I prefer to top, of course!", just so I could at least justify having spent 11 and a half hours posting on Craigslist to finally get some sort of Latino cock down my throat. And the motherfucker had the urge to say: "I think I prefer to bottom. I just love the feeling, you know?"

Yes, I do know! Boy, do I know it. And that's exactly the problem, be-atch!

For more blogs by Diego, click here.