"Alexis Arquette: She's My Brother"

by Diego

Rosanna, Patricia and David Arquette's tranny sister had the premiere of his new documentary this week at the Tribeca Film Festival. And the bitch wouldn't miss it for nothing. She was all dolled up -- stubble and all (girlfriend is against taking hormones) -- for the Q and A session after the screening.

"Just so you guys know, I am stoned out of my mind right now", she said. "Which is what you're supposed to do after the screening, not before."

She responded to the audience's questions (a mix of originalities ranging from "What inspires you? to "How have you changed?") eagerly and unstoppably. Not that anyone knew who the bitch was before the film. But by the end of the evening I'm thinking she was on everyone's list for number one pick to replace Rosie "On the View".

"She's my Brother" is no cinematic masterpiece. Think YouTube-esque video portraits of Alexis addressing the camera alternating with talking heads (and a bit of glitter). But it is her captivating presence that makes the experience more than an important social document. Bitch has a witty tongue. She just needs to work on getting a new stylist. Who does she have now, Rachel Zoey?

I know she is against hormones, but, honey, you are a tranny, not a cowboy, the five o'clock shadow has got to go.

The main problem with the film, though, is that it isn't sure who is actually directing it. It is a hodgepodge of clinical and experimental visuals, along with complete conceptual inconsistence. It goes from medical HBO special to pointlessly narcissistic web video -- and when it is lucky, it almost echoes Jonathan Caouette's experimental queer masterpiece "Tarnation".

The thing about "She's My Brother" is that, like most films about unusual subjects, we end up liking it more than we actually should. Simply because of the scarcity of exposure to that kind of queer material. But, at the very least, the film should serve as vehicle for Alexis to become television's next talk show diva. She'd be great at the red carpet. With a couple more pounds' worth of foundation on, please.

For more Diego, click here.