Which one are you? Or which one did you get stuck with last time?
1. The Trick That Will Not Leave: You start making the bed, putting the lube away, texting your hag, but they just will not leave. This kind of trick is either new to New York and, therefore, unaware of the rules of thumb of Internet hook ups (i.e. leave as soon as you cum), or they just think they fell in love with you. Well, guess what, you didn’t.
2. The Poppers Sniffer: I am a pretty open-minded person, and if you really have to snort some sort of trashy chemical into your brain in order to perform that is okay. But not if you have to do it every three seconds! It interrupts the pumping and ruins the mood. This one Colombian trick was such a poppers addict he even said “My friends make fun of me all the time because I do them so much”. Uh, not only you cannot have intercourse without poppers, but you publicize that to your friends? Yeah, you are a real winner, clearly.
3. The Liar: I am not sure which is more pathetic: the fucktards who send 30-pounds-old photos of themselves or the irrationally horny idiots who don’t close the door on their faces once they get come in the bedroom.
4. The Faggie Top: guys, it is not that hard, but jot it down if you have to: being a top is not just about sexual position, it is about identity. So if you act like a girl you are NOT a top. If know fashion you are NOT a top. If you go to graduate school you are NOT a top. If you live below 110th St. you are NOT a top. If you go to gay bars you are NOT a top. If you suck dick you are NOT a top. If you moisturize you are obviously NOT a top. And if you roll your eyes like a girl you are NOT a top either. So stop the false advertising and hook up with those versatiles, they won’t mind your ersatz self-entitlements.
5. The Sudden Barebacker: it’s amazing how quickly they go from “safe sex only” to “anything goes”.
6. The Demanding Trick: “can I have a wet towel?”, “do you have any tissue?”, “is that the only lube you have?”, “Do you have a cock ring?”, “Can I have some water?”, “Do you have any alcohol?”, and the killer: “What kind of phone do you have? Can I borrow your changer?”
7. The “I don’t have a bathroom at home” Trick: what’s up with that? It’s not like you came from Staten Island. Why do they have to ask to use “your bathroom” right after hello?
8. The Silly Trick: the one who thinks he will see you again.
9. The Nomad: listen,I know you came from Jersey but this is Manhattan, don’t bring your lap top bag, your NYSC backpack, three layers of winter gear and your manpurse in my 10x10 room.
10. The Prissy Trick: he acts all shocked when he pulls out and there’s a quarter of a turd hanging off the condom. Dude, you just stuck 9 inches of limb up somebody’s asshole! What do you expect, Pollyanna.
(Image source: "Watersports - 48" ad from Craigslist 03/09/06 Piss Play)
1 comment:
you know sometimes after the seed has spurted you have to go to the bathroom. plus if there is any stains on the bed (not lube or jizz) you need to get those taken care of immediately.
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