So, I decided long ago that I don't do gay men, only bi curious and straights. Like, if you don't also eat pussy, you have no business eating my ass. And if you want to cheat on me, fine, as long as it is with a girl.
Except that it's hard to get straight men to fuck fags, because they've been conditioned to think they should only fuck women. (As if fags weren't women). Anyway, so last summer my fag hag and I were sitting at home bored (braiding our hair, day-dreaming we were Jessica or whatever), and it hit me: adding a girl to the equation has got to make straight men more comfortable with fucking a fag. Plus, hags have got to be able to perform more tasks other than holding our tank tops at the club, asking random dudes if they are tops or bottoms and keeping track of our carb intake.
So, to convince the hag to serve as sex bait I had to intellectualize the scenario in a way that made it seem like she was gonna benefit from this. Not me, I was just being altruistic. And you know hags, they'll believe anything fags tell them as long as we tell them they're pretty afterwards.
So I made her post on Craigslist something to the effect of: "You can fuck my pussy, but you gotta fuck my fag first". And, I shit you not, her inbox was FLOODED with hundreds of hot straight men willing to come over and do us both. We had to keep up with the demand, so we couldn't just host one guy at a time -- we had to bring them in groups. Like Hollywood week on "Idol". And to the hag's astonishment, she quickly became that threeway dud, cornered on the edge of the bed, untouched and unwanted, watching these tattooed "straight" brothas from the Bronx work my nipples, feet and underarms.
But, then, I reminded her that she "liked to watch", so she was actually the one benefiting from it all. I was just doing her a favor.
Except that it's hard to get straight men to fuck fags, because they've been conditioned to think they should only fuck women. (As if fags weren't women). Anyway, so last summer my fag hag and I were sitting at home bored (braiding our hair, day-dreaming we were Jessica or whatever), and it hit me: adding a girl to the equation has got to make straight men more comfortable with fucking a fag. Plus, hags have got to be able to perform more tasks other than holding our tank tops at the club, asking random dudes if they are tops or bottoms and keeping track of our carb intake.
So, to convince the hag to serve as sex bait I had to intellectualize the scenario in a way that made it seem like she was gonna benefit from this. Not me, I was just being altruistic. And you know hags, they'll believe anything fags tell them as long as we tell them they're pretty afterwards.
So I made her post on Craigslist something to the effect of: "You can fuck my pussy, but you gotta fuck my fag first". And, I shit you not, her inbox was FLOODED with hundreds of hot straight men willing to come over and do us both. We had to keep up with the demand, so we couldn't just host one guy at a time -- we had to bring them in groups. Like Hollywood week on "Idol". And to the hag's astonishment, she quickly became that threeway dud, cornered on the edge of the bed, untouched and unwanted, watching these tattooed "straight" brothas from the Bronx work my nipples, feet and underarms.
But, then, I reminded her that she "liked to watch", so she was actually the one benefiting from it all. I was just doing her a favor.
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