Homewrecking Hags

Fag Hags are great and all, but we have to keep them reigned, otherwise tragedy may ensue.

My main hag really excels at being a hag. She knows her duties and responsibilities by heart. When we go to a club she asks random guys if they are tops or bottoms or versatile -- to speed up the trick-getting process for me. She also knows that once I find my trick, she's history. And she has no problem with that. It goes with the territory.

Though one time I felt bad for her and let her trail along with me to the trick's house. She stayed in the living room watching the Boondocks on TiVo while he fucked the shit out of me in the bedroom for a couple of hours.
When I came out of the bedroom and asked her if she was ready to go, she just giggled.

My hag also functions as my assistant at times. She has access to my Google planner and sends me text-message reminders whenever I have an important meeting. Or an important date. If I have a job interview early in the morning she serves as my alarm clock, calling multiple times until I pick up.

If a fag calls, there is no excuse for a hag not to pick up. If I call her at 3 a.m. she has no right to be asleep, but if she calls me that late she knows I'm gonna bitch her out. It's very non-equalitary, and they love that.

One of her main obligations is also to serve as time-filler. If I am walking to the gym or in line at the bank, or looking for a parking spot, she knows she has to entertain me. And she's really good at it. If she starts to sound a little boring, I tell her to up the ante 'cause I'm about falling asleep.

If we lived in the same city, I am sure she'd do my laundry too. And maybe I'd do color separation then.

But last time the bitch was visiting me she totally scared my trick away. We had wine together in NoLiTa, the three of us. When we were walking home she invited my trick upstairs. I had already given up on him: he was white and Canadian (talk about trying not to fall asleep while you have sex).

While I checked my email (and my Adam4Adam account), my hag and my trick lounged on my bed. She yapped about Nietzsche and he tried not to fall asleep. I just wanted him to go back to Jersey, but the hag seemed to really want him to spend the night. When I turn around she is trying to make out with him, his eyes wide-open begging for help, while she basically pins him down. Almost like a top would a bottom.

After that he left right away, saying he had to work early in the morning (on a Sunday?). Later she told me "But I thought he was a top. Aren't all tops bi?". Dumb hag.

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