Never have sex with me. Just don't.
After so many years of living in downtown Manhattan, I'm bored with almost everything.
Prince Albert? Done.
Electronic pulsating dildo? Worn out.
Amputees? I had a stump up my ass last week.
Midgets? I keep one in a cage in my bedroom. When you find a hole THAT tight - and that's legal - you don't let it go.
Not even shit on the dance floor of the Black Party can raise my eyebrow. Please, who hasn't seen shit? I haven't had a good house party until there's SOME shit, vomit, or piss on my floor by the end of the night.
Ho hum.
But Bam Margera from the JackAss videos? OMG. I'm in love.
In a past life I must have worked as a carni, you know, circus folks. The crazier, the better. The more obscene, I love it.
You must netflix JackAss, Number Two. I just did. For me, it's porn. It's better than porn.
Bam has the most beautiful hairless boy butt (well noted by his JackAss friends) - and he shows it throughout the video.
In one scene, he's sitting on top of a carnival high striker with a dildo at the bottom. His friend, Chris Pontius, strikes the bottom with a hammer, sending the golden dildo right to Bam's hairless asshole.
In another scene, Bam gets a red hot cattle BRAND on his ass, in the form of a dick.
He ends up with a few dicks branded on his ass, since he swirms during the branding. He calls it a "Dick Farm".
In the next scene he shows his mother his red, branded infected ass. She's appalled.
She says "Is that permanent?! You had such a beautiful butt!"
You find out later in the commentaries that Bam had to go to the hospital for his dick brand-infected ass.
In the deleted scenes, we get to see Bam's inked totally naked inked body, front view as he's standing in the elevator with a midget. His dick is at the same height as the midget's over-sized forehead.
THAT'S when I came.
1 comment:
So tell me is Bam on our team? kind of makes ya wonder since he is going to walk around for the rest of his life with a cock burnt into the baby soft flesh of his ass?
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